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 1 
 on: Today at 04:19:17 PM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Ozzyjack
Hi Pen,

I’m confused . Inuit doesn’t rhyme with GoWink

Zoe is very brave and you are brave too going along to watch.   I’ll give you a few Dad jokes to lighten the mood.

Quote

Jim went into ‘John’s Stable’ to buy a horse. 

I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream "hey hey", the way to get him to go is to scream "Thank God”, said John.

Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”.

Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered. “Hey hey!” he screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.

Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
 





Theodore, a teddy bear, is working on a building site. He goes for his tea break and when he returns, he notices his pick has been stolen. Theodore goes ballistic and reports the theft to the foreman.

The foreman grins ” I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick-nicked.”

Theodore is so angry he walks into a pub and takes a huge bite out of the bar.

Get out!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve druggies.’ ‘

'But I’m not a druggie,’ replies Theodore.

Yeah? Then what about the bar bit you ate?



    



 2 
 on: Today at 10:40:11 AM 
Started by birdy - Last post by mkenuk
Again, referring to higher authority (in COD we trust), we find brekkie as first choice, with brekky as an alternative.

A bicky is what you might have with your tea or coffee for elevenses, but you could also spell it bikky.

Personally, I always like to have a choccy bicky.

bickies and bikkies are the respective plurals, by the way.


 3 
 on: Today at 07:36:25 AM 
Started by TRex - Last post by yelnats
You should have been an airport firefighter...

Day 1: 0800 - 1800
Day 2: 0800 - 1800
Day 3: 1800 - 0800
Day 4: 1800 - 0800
Day 5: Off
Day 6: Off
Day 7: 0800 - 1800 etc

Only 1 firefighter needed to be awake on night shift, the others had to be in the truck within 1 minute (i.e. sleep dressed).
The extra hours over a 38 hour week built up to give 2 months off in every 7 months, and 4 months straight every 3 years.

Regular firefighters have the same shifts but they actually have fires to attend!

 4 
 on: Today at 07:18:38 AM 
Started by birdy - Last post by yelnats
Quote
I say brekkie and bikkie.

I agree.

 5 
 on: Today at 07:18:18 AM 
Started by birdy - Last post by yelnats
Quote
I say brekkie and bikkie.

I agree/

 6 
 on: Today at 06:47:52 AM 
Started by TRex - Last post by TRex
It isn't recognised as a word, so this isn't a spoiler.

In a previous lifetime, I worked as an air traffic controller. One of the shifts was called a daymid. A typical work schedule was
Day 1: 1600-0000
Day 2: 1300-2100
Day 3: 1000-1800
Day 4: 0700-1500
Day 5: 0000-0800

The last two were referred to as a daymid. They were difficult. The only positive thing about them was having 80 hours off or 56 hours off (alternating each week) before returning to work.

Despite a very large number of studies which show shift workers need to be kept on a steady shift, despite the requirements for air traffic controllers to meet the same physical standards as pilots, despite requirements for pilots to have a minimum rest period of 10 hours, with the opportunity for at least 8 uninterrupted sleep hours, the Federal Aviation Administration allowed this as a normal schedule. And because every other week, the schedule was move up 24 hours, a controller would, in a 14 week period work all 24 hours all 7 days (forget about making a regular commitment (e.g. coaching youth sports, taking a college course, regularly making meetings of an organisation, etc.).

I hated the work schedule. And when I asked a supervisor why we worked such a 'stupid schedule', I got one of the all-time worst responses that can be given: 'that's the way we've always done it'!

Anyway, that was the flashback prompted by the letters in the puzzle.

 7 
 on: Today at 05:57:48 AM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by TRex
Regarding the "Good Old Days" piece, generational warfare is odious ... <snip>

Very much agreed — although such pieces seem to always survive (typically updated to be current).

I do wish, however, that more beverages were in re-usable glass containers: pay a deposit, get a refund when returning — even if making and reusing glass containers were more expensive (it would be, IMO, worth paying a bit more).

 8 
 on: Today at 05:03:40 AM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Hobbit
Hi Jack

Your post was very funny but I did manage not to get too excited Demon  No telling what might happen.  My post will be short & quite tame as I certainly don't want you getting over excited Demon & I'm popping out in a bit!

I'm sure I've already told you but No1 Daughter jumps out of an aeroplane tomorrow.  She's doing it to raise money for a local animal charity.  HULA.
Thankfully she'll be strapped to somebody but I think I'll be watching with my eyes closed!
   

   

Sorry a bit lame! Embarrassed


 9 
 on: Yesterday at 11:57:55 PM 
Started by birdy - Last post by Jacki
I would definitely spell it as pressie. One word I have trouble figuring out how best to spell informally is breakfast. Is it brekkie? Is it breakie? Is it breakie? What do others think? Also biscuit - bickie or bikkie? Some prefer bicky or bikky.
I say brekkie and bikkie.

 10 
 on: Yesterday at 09:36:01 PM 
Started by Les303 - Last post by Ozzyjack
Hi Pen,

I think we can return to normal now.  I’ll keep them weak so you don’t get too excited. Wink

Quote

In a monastery in Wyoming, every day before breakfast the Superior would
chant "Good Morning, Good Morning" and the Brothers would all chant
back "Good Morning, Good Morning." There was only one problem with this
morning chant, one brother thought it was the stupidest thing in the world.
He really hated it.

One morning he decided that he would get them all back and hopefully stop this
stupidity. That morning he went to breakfast and the Superior came in and
chanted "Good Morning, Good Morning" and all the Brothers except the one
chanted, "Good Morning, ..." At this the one Brother chanted as loud as
he could, "Good Evening."

Upon hearing this the Superior stood up and chanted "Someone chanted evening!"



A golfer was warned by his doctor that his heart was too weak to continue playing the game, but he refused to give up his favourite sport. Sure enough, next time he played, he suffered a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. When his doctor saw him again, he admonished the guy, saying “What did I tell you? You should have put the heart before the course!”



     




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